Tough right? what do you do when a relationship does not work out or fails. Another failed relationship and courtship and then you sink into a world of oblivion and start to harness your life. Questions like what you did wrong? Why they treated you the way they did? Starts to boil up in your heart especially when you feel you have sold out yourself to that relationship and thrown in every resource you have got unlike the past Relationships. . Let’s chat.
Phew! Lord Jesus why me again? If that is you then you need to sit tight so we can chat about this. You really need to be free from the pain and guilt of not being good enough
I got off the train of a very loving relationship about few months back and I must tell you this; my friends bear me witness that I am one of the strongest persons I know. My mum sometimes questions if I had emotions and feelings because in the face of teary eyes situation, you may not see a tear in my eyes.
You know one of the things I really hate?” it is to shed a tear for any man born of a woman”. I used to think nobody was worth my tears but I guess God just wanted me to learn. He used that relationship to teach me how to stay strong even when my heart is broken. God taught me that I could be spiritual yet capable of making mistakes
I wept my eyes out like I never did but you know what I did? Went on my knees before God and said to him “lord I know I never prayed enough and I know he may not have been the best for me” and I trust you that your will is the best for my life. Then, choose to come to terms with the reality that he is not meant for me and trust you to send a man after your own heart instead.
Before long, I had to admit my own mistake first of all. You know one of the phases we usually walk into when a relationship fails and I can say so from experience is denial and blame. We blame everyone but ourselves
Find out more from this post: Three phases we all go through when a relationship fails
Sweetie, did you pray enough before saying yes to that man? How sure are you that your so called conviction was really God speaking to you? How sure are you that you did not judged him based on what your eyes can see and not through the lens of God?
Our eyes can only see the physical but you know what? The spirit of the lord God sees beyond the surface. He looks deep into the intentions of a man and there might be incompatibilities you ignored and silently wish they would go away and become perfect overtime
God looks at that little pothole and shakes his head and at that point he choose to intervene and interfere instead and pull you both apart to avoid regrets
65% of divorces from Christians usually come from a place of failed convictions. When you stop seeing what attracted you to them in the first place. it becomes hard to love and spend forever with them
Imagine leaving your emotions and love life in the hands of God?
Do you now see why you should not mourn a failed relationship much longer? Yes, cry because you need to set your heart free. Tears perform wonders of making your heart much lighter. I cry too but just not to anyone’s ears and only when I think that a situation deserves it
The license to cry if you have need to does not permit you to turn to a liability and a vegetable because I will take the next available flight over to kick you off the ground
You know what? Not all hearts are made of stone
Aright, now that we are over that phase of tears and all that emotions, Let us talk about three things you need to do when a relationship fails
- Go back to God in prayers. Hahhaha Precious have come again right? That was probably what you thought. How on earth would I ask you to go pray when your heart legit just got shattered and broken to bits without a single reservoir
I say go back to prayers because God is the one who is capable of taking you back to the emotional ICU. He is capable and able to answer all your questions. If you need to cry, go to him and lie vulnerably before him right in your room and pour out your aggression. Ask him all the questions you need to.
Your girlfriends are only able to console and also cry with you. They might badmouth the guy and tell you all his flaws so that you can feel better about letting go. God is the one who understands and heals your aching heart better.
Just a word from God can make your life better
The day I called it quits. I felt it in my bones, I knew it was going to happen and immediately I broke down in tears. I am a very sensitive person and analyze people a lot so whether it is God who made it possible that I knew it was going to come crashing or my instinct. Either ways, I went back to God after I called a friend and told him how I felt
He said the exact words I said a while ago “go to God in prayers”
I know it does not sound like the most reasonable and common counsel but that is what your heart needs better. If you are not saved, I know you are used to getting drunk to forget but what happens next? You either call him and abuse him till death then regret the next morning or go over to his house for sex after which you feel used.
What then do you think is the best?
One of the questions I asked God was why won’t my relationship and love life just work out? I cried out because I really put in my best this time.
The moment I finished crying and casting my fears at the feet of God, I faced my reality. I was able to walk out smiling knowing that my worth is not determined by how much a relationship works out
I didn’t forget to ask God for forgiveness for my impatience in waiting for a word from him and for just taking up whatever convictions I thought I had.
It is possible to have peace about a matter and yet it fails to work out the way you imagined and hoped. Just take it back to God in prayers
At that moment, he touched me and gave me a word that calmed my nerves. I felt God caressing my pain and massaging my aches away. He was literally filling me with strength and joy instead of sadness and bitterness
Don’t suppress your emotions under a baggage of pretense or drowned in mundane things, talk to God about them
Stop mourning and go talk to God about your failures. You just cannot sustain and keep that man if he lets you go on. When God brings another truly do you not think he will keep him? Do you think God does not have greater plans for you.
- Talk to someone about your relationship failure. It could be a friend or a mentor but make sure he or she is someone you trust and can pray with you. Friends always have a way of encouraging our heart when we are knee deep in sorrow.
You could be a relationship expert but believe me when I say that your own problems become difficult to solve most times. So much so that you need someone to hold your hands and remind you who you are. You need a friend who can speak faith into you and speak love to your heart.
When you have nobody around, believe the word of God. Read through the promises of God and encourage yourself in them
- Go out and inhale a breath of fresh air. You need friends and distraction at this point. For me it was getting more immersed in my blog articles and reading and then going out.
I just made sure to delete my chats with him. Avoid the temptation to read all those romantic and mushy sms you exchanged. Delete them, yes even those cute photos of both of you and the messages where you discussed the number of kids you want to have and the whole family planning
Wiping the memories and leaving no trace is a sure way to heal. If you need to mute their status or delete their number especially if you are an emotionally helpless person, do so
Now, leave the house and go give yourself a treat
Most importantly, ignore the temptation to enter a rebound relationship. It is most unpleasant. Just give people a chance to get to know you but subject them this time under the scrutiny of God through the help of friends.
Do not make the same mistake you made before. Every heartbreak has a lesson attached to them if you look beyond the pains. I know I learnt a lot through the past relationships I ever entered: I learnt that I had a little more to do concerning my anger and outburst and learnt to control my tongue.
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Until next time, Stay focused. Be on the frontline