“Is it really worth it? Keeping myself till marriage”
I felt like having sex last night. Like I had never felt that much urge in me so electrifying that I thought it through and almost consented to it if I had a man around to satisfy that urge.
I know I did shock you with that confession above but the truth is that is what happens to us all if we can be a bit more sincere and less “spiritual” about these life threatening and spiritually tasking issues. Every fully fledged adult with blood and water running through their veins has felt like defiling themselves, throwing the whole virginity thing away and just embrace the culture of “going out “or dating like most young people call it
Did you miss this?: There is really nothing wrong with sex
This is why the focus isn’t really on keeping your virginity but on being pure at heart and in body before the master. I could be having oral sex, caught deep in chronic masturbation and still have the guts to flash my teeth and raise holy hands in worship when a head count for virgins are made. I can deceive anyone but God.
Oh! I have heard tales of several believers who were kept their virginity while engaging in all sorts of other sexual sins that didn’t spell fornication to them. After all what the church speaks about is that we should keep our body for our spouse but barely or nothing at all about the state of our heart: rotten or not. I might as well go ahead with my masturbation as long as I don’t fornicate right?
You know I got to this point in life where I knew that what I needed to protect and guard jealously wasn’t my hymen but my purity and that includes keeping my eyes, heart and body clean and free from contamination despite the pressures of the society
Let’s look at this scripture to throw more light on this most important aspect of our Christian faith as young women because I feel that the church and older women just keep shoving the virginity talk down our throat without telling us the most important thing we need to hear. If you are not curious, well, I am and I know a host others who have these questions on their lips: Why do I need to keep myself from sex? Is it just because of my Christian faith? For my future husband to be proud of me? He could be sleeping around right? Wait, is virginity some kind of achievement one should add to their shelf or display on the table and then go around talking to other persons who are technically not virgins anymore. Where then is the place of grace and staring afresh for the girl who missed it but ready to walk with God
There is just so much we can talk about but first. Let us look at one core thing we should rather protect and guard jealously: your purity
Yes, you heard me, your purity is more important than any virginity lectures. Okay, someone is going to come for my head right now to say I am trying to propagate free sexual relationship for ladies. Please, a bunch of you already know me beyond that category of “grace covers all”. I dare not insinuate that you shouldn’t keep your virginity. I am only saying that if your reason for keeping yourself is for your husband to be proud of you and probably pay double bride price then you have got a long thing coming your way. Also, if you think that God answers your prayer faster because you kept yours (I hear this a lot from folks around) then you are definitely saying that the Lord is impartial towards that daughter of his who lost her virginity before meeting him.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Do you get it now?
Here are 5 very important truths about sexual purity we need to consider.
- Virginity is not the focus
You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Now I have your attention. Look, I do not want to water down the value of virginity. It is important. I too am keeping myself, a very strong advocate for keeping yourself till marriage but definitely not for the praise of any man called a husband rather as an expression of my faith and love for the lord, I just don’t see the need to profess love for him but unable to keep my legs closed and lips away from the snares of flesh. But Christians need to re-define the “focus”
You might ask “aren’t virginity and purity the same thing?”
And herein lies the problem with purity…and virginity. They are not the same thing. Virginity is an outpouring of purity. And until Christians understand that purity is deeper than external actions, we will never grasp God’s plan and vision for sexuality.
To fully grasp God’s vision of sexuality, we must stop making purity and virginity equal.
Christians are not living right if they arrive at their wedding day free from sex but saturated with lustful thoughts. Oh yes! It is possible to keep your virginity but filled with lustful thoughts.
A pastor I sat under at one time made a statement during a relationship seminar, he said “when you look at a sister or brother and all that pushes you to marry them is their curves or imaginations of how strong they could be in bed, then you got to watch it because that is absolutely not from God”
Church, are we really so misguided to think we are living righteously if we refrain from sex before marriage but can’t look at someone of the opposite sex without turning them into objects? Even some unbelievers made a vow to stay celibate till whenever it’s time. What makes you any different if your reason for keeping yourself is not born from the wells of the convictions of the Holy Spirit on purity?
Sexual purity must begin with a pure heart and mind. If we begin anywhere else, we risk hazardous outcomes. We risk allowing something as noble and righteous as virginity to become an idol. We risk telling a generation of young people that “how far can I go?” scenarios are ok as long as you don’t have sex. And, most importantly, we risk making light of the cross
Christians need to celebrate virginity. We need to pursue it. But let’s not allow virginity to be the “win.” If we teach that God’s design for sexual purity begins with the heart and mind, virginity will be a natural expression.
- God is purity and purity should be important to Christians.
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality…For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.1 Thessalonians 4:3, 7.
Purity is the essence of God. Purity IS God. And God created us to reflect his image. But when sexual purity takes a backseat in our heart and mind, it is impossible to reflect God’s image to the world.
When sexual purity takes a backseat it is impossible to reflect God’s image to the world.
Sexual purity is not out-dated, overstated, culturally irrelevant, or any other catchy phrase. I argue the opposite. In a world where multiple partners and a flippant approach to purity are the norm, God’s plan for sexual purity is more relevant than ever. The world needs to see a different model.
Take note of the verse above. It says God’s will is to avoid sexual immorality. Wait…what’s God’s will? China? Plant a church?
How about avoid sexual immorality. #wow.
Sexual purity sets us apart from the world. Purity is God. Instead of buying cultural lies and trendy sexual mindsets, Christians need to show the world a “new” (again, facetious) way to look at sexual purity. A way designed by the Designer.
- Sexual purity is not a one-time event.
This is an unfortunate side effect of point 1. And it marginalizes people who believe mistakes prevent them from being accepted by God. Most sermons and lessons send a clear message, “God doesn’t like people who have sex before marriage.” If this is you, I empathize. I heard the message growing up.
Sexual purity is not a single event in time. It is a process of transforming into the likeness of God. Yes, if someone has sex before marriage, virginity will never be reclaimed. And I will say it again: Christians should strive for sexual abstinence before marriage. This is God’s design, not mine. Don’t kill the messenger.
But please understand, God does not give up on us if we make mistakes. He is not wagging his holy finger at us in disgust. And for those marginalized by Christians for sexual mistakes, I apologize. This should never happen. It is not reflective of the gospel.
God loves us infinitely. He has big plans for our life. And most importantly…God forgives us completely. No matter how bad we screw up.
- Purity is a result of the cross.
We all fail when it comes to sexual purity. Thank God for the cross. The cross wipes the slate clean. It gives us the opportunity to stand before God unblemished. It says Jesus now stands in our place.
The cross also means sexual purity is not about us. It is about Jesus. Jesus makes us pure. And the Spirit gives us the power to withstand. We do not become sexually pure by trying with all of our might to withstand the passions and desires of the flesh. It won’t work.
And this is some of us. Every time we turn on that computer, we go back to the same websites. Every time we see the opposite sex, we lust instead of looking at those individuals as God’s creation. And our response to this? Try harder next time. But next time turns into next time. Eventually we get to the point where change seems impossible.
I know. I have been there.
Sexual purity begins with the cross and continues as the Spirit works on our hearts.
- Sexual purity requires a lifestyle change.
“Is sexual purity important?” I doubt any follower of Jesus would answer “No.” But our actions reflect something different. Sexual immorality is a theme in almost every movie, TV show, and song. The days of family friendly TV are basically out the window.
Yet, Christians continue to watch movies glorifying sexual immorality and listen to music objectifying men and women created in God’s image. And we wonder why lust and pornography are so prevalent.
Until we start to value purity more than a good time or a few laughs, we will be plagued with lustful minds and impure hearts.
Christians must value purity more than a good time or a few laughs.
Purity ultimately is about the cross. But refusing to pursue holiness is an abuse of cross. Refusing to create boundaries and exercise self-control in the name of entertainment is a mockery to God.
Sexual purity is essential for men and women walking in the footsteps of Jesus.
I could say more. Purity doesn’t rob us of life. It increases life. When God’s parameters are our parameters, life abounds. I dare you to try it.
Joy also increases because we know our impurity becomes purity through Jesus Christ. Love increases because we know purity is not dependent on our goodness and decisions. And these should catapult us towards holiness.
Purity is the gospel. Purity IS God. For this reason, it needs to be discussed…and pursued.
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