You want to know what it’s like to have sex before you’re married.
It’s like building a big wall between you and God, a wall you wonder if you’ll ever break through.
Little wonder the bible says:
Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?
If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 (KJV)
I know because I had sex with my boyfriend.
Eche and I met our first year of secondary school. It didn’t even take me long to develop a big crush on him. By the time we were seniors, we were very close friends. But that seemed to be all we were, at least to him.
One day, when we were taking a walk, he reached for my hand. I was so surprised; you could have knocked me over. A few days later, he kissed me for the first time, I was taken aback but for some strange reasons, I loved it; his manly touch, his body fragrance gave me an obsessive sensation, I longed for more, the way he looked at me and whispered the magic words “I love you” over and on as he held me close while he blew hot airs to my ears set me on fire, I knew less and was vulnerable and naïve.
I thought to myself; he was my boyfriend and an industrious guy, he had often discussed his visions and goals with me, I was too blinded by love I totally forgot all about my purity pact, And after a few months, we were fooling around, doing more than we should, on a pretty regular basis.
To me, the idea that someone as cute as Eche found me attractive was incredible. For the first time in my life, I actually felt beautiful, even sexy. Most days I stood in the mirror for hours turning around and admiring my up and down assets, tight clothes which accentuated my curves were my go to outfits for the day despite my Christian stand on modesty; he had told me he loved everything about my body on several occasions, if I had means of making them more seductive for his eyes, you bet I would. I always admired myself each time and grinned from ear to ear, he certainly wouldn’t leave me for one of those choir girls who flocked around him because of his nice voice and soft spoken nature; I was willing to give him more to keep those daughters of eve away from my man. I suppose that’s why I forced my conscience to shut up when it told me we were going too far physically, Being with Eche and knowing he wanted to be with me was too strong a temptation.
Near the end of our second year in the university, we had sex for the first time. By that time, I wanted it as much as Eche did. He never pressured me, and he never made me do anything I didn’t want to do. When I think back now, I almost wish he had pressured me a little. At least then I could blame him. But I can only blame myself.
Television and movies make it seem like sex is just this fun, romantic thing that doesn’t really matter. But sex affected me more than I ever dreamed it could. It changed every relationship I had. Sex became the focus of my relationship with him. It also affected my relationship with my parents. I couldn’t look them in the eye, especially when Eche was around. I thought my parents would be able to tell just by looking at us, and I didn’t ever want them to know.
And it definitely changed my relationship with God. I felt too ashamed to even talk to God, much less ask him for help and forgiveness. That’s when I felt that wall start to go up; the wall I thought would hide me from God.
I had been a Christian my whole life, and I’d never gotten into any trouble before. But the guilt I felt after having sex was overwhelming. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to keep me from doing it again. Instead, I tried to justify what Eche and I were doing. I told myself it wasn’t a big deal, that it was just a physical act. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did bother me a lot.
By the time Eche and I broke up a few months later, I could hardly look at myself in the mirror. When I did, I saw someone dirty, someone who couldn’t control herself, someone who was slapping God in the face on a regular basis.
After the breakup, I felt like my only hope was to turn back to God and repent for what I’d done. I tried to do my regular devotions, but I couldn’t. Every time I read the Bible, it seemed like I found a verse about sexual immorality that just made me realize how much I’d disappointed God. I couldn’t even pray.
I had always known God forgives sins. I had even told other friends that God would forgive them for the sexual things they’d done. But now that it was my turn, I just couldn’t believe that God could wash all that sin away. It seemed like too big a job, even for God.
It took me months of struggle to finally ask for forgiveness. The wall I’d put up between me and God finally came down, but I still had to live with the “bricks”—my feelings of guilt that were piled around me. I knew God had forgotten my sin. The trouble was, I couldn’t.
It’s been a few years since Eche and I broke up. And every single day, I struggle to trust in God’s forgiveness. Every day, I have to fight off my fears that God will punish me someday. My biggest fear is that I will never find a Christian man who’ll be able to live with the truth about me. And even if he can, I’ll have to live with the knowledge that I stole something from him. I’ve made it impossible for him to enjoy God’s gift of sex with someone who saved herself for him.
Back when I started having sex, I was focused on the pleasure I wanted right then. If I’d only known how much pain it would cause, believe me, I never would have given in.
Sweetheart, the only difference between the man who left his mistakes in the past and the man who held tightly unto his mistakes and they followed him into his future is the ability to leave them behind, the memories, the guilt and the image.
“Who and what you are has absolutely nothing to do with what you do; it has everything to do with what Christ has done”
I know it is your sin but it is not your forgiveness, the offended has said I forgive you but the offender has decided to hang on and hold on, can you see the irony now.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new
2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)
A lot of single men and women are bound up today. Sisters are carrying the baggage of past relationships and sexual encounters. Brothers aren’t free to answer Gods call on their lives. Weighed down with guilt, shame and regret, these believers have become ineffective for the kingdom.
“The devil is not a respecter of persons, if temptation made Its way to Jesus, then guess what, Temptation will straight diss your title, your gifts and calling”
And as for the uncle, if he is your own divinely orchestrated boo, he would be the one to walk up to you, look past your mistakes and ask you for a dance, no true godly man doubts the efficacy of the blood of Jesus.
We all are evidences of the single fact that “Jesus died for us while were yet sinners”
The lord is fed up with people being comfortable in their lustful ways; unleash your battle cry against promiscuity, adultery, pornography and incest.
All on boardddd, we got a journey to embark on to victory
“YOU ARE A WOMAN ON THE FRONT LINE AND NO PAST HAS THE RIGHT TO PRICE YOU LOW”